Being an expat can sometimes make you feel lonely and more towards depression When you are an expat mum, those feelings can get stronger.
Traveling was a way for me to get out of these feeling. I was changing countries whenever I started feeling low.
Now, as a mother of two, that is not possible anymore. Still, once you have depression, it comes back.
During my first year in this new country, I learnt the language. Still not perfect but enough to find my way around. I also learnt what could have been done better.
At the birth of my second child, an English-speaking midwife told me to get help and she told me where: the “Ambulanz” as they call it here, from the University hospital. From there, I understood much more about myself and I am still getting the help. Notably, I understood the cause. I am also more aware when the depression is hitting.
Of course there are plenty of obstacles : the language, the culture, the family, the weather (we are having a heatwave at the time I am writing this), and probably some more.
Sharing with other expat mums is still difficult. Everyone still finds support from somewhere, where the links with my home countries are nearly inexistent. I am finding shelter in my husband’s culture and country.
I am still on the process on what I could possibly do now to feel better when traveling is not possible anymore ? Going to my husband’s family isn’t one either. Also, now, the time is limited between dropping and picking up the kids. Tell me, what do you do to feel better about yourself ?
Going on your first trip with your baby? That’s amazing! Exciting! And it can be also overwhelming and stressful.
You might want to overpack, to take your whole baby bedroom with you. When it facts, most of it you won’t need it at all.
Here is a list of things you must not forget:
Bottle warmer
Works well with bottles, formula or mother milk, and food jars. Besides, with this you don’t need any electricity. When it gets cold or empty, you can always ask someone on the go for fresh boiled water, and off you go for the rest of the day.
Milk Dispenser
If your baby is bottle fed, then having a milk dispenser is very useful. You can prepare the doses so you only have to pour it into the bottle when it gets feeding time.
When your eyes are still closed at night, this is also very helpful.
Baby carrier
It doesn’t really matter if you use Manduca, Ergobaby or Kolkol. What it matters is that you can wear your baby on the back when he’s old enough and that you feel comfortable either way.
We personally used Ergobaby until it got broken and then changed for a KolKol. Nevertheless, KolKol is available only in India.
Black curtains
During many of our stays, I struggle to darkened the room so my baby could have a decent nap. Until I bought those one and then Covid arrived.
Washing machine tabs
Sometimes, you have access to a washing machine and to keep it the cleanest, the easiest is using the tabs.
The waste free laundry detergent stipres also works.
Bibs
There is nothing to do to downgrade here. A baby makes a mess, and you’re gonna need plenty of bibs. We usually calculate 2 per day.
Face wipes
Once your baby can crawl, you’re gonna need to wash his little hands on the go. So do not forget the face and hands wipes! Also always carry with you a plastic bag to keep them on the side until you can find a bin.
Sanitizer wipes
This is something new I discovered : wipes for the teats, they are so useful !
Also for this, do not forget the plastic bag to keep them on the side until finding a bin.
Soap
Why would you take a single soap for each member of your family ? At home you have space to be picky but while traveling, it is limited. Instead, you can simply take shower gel that does also shampoo and works for everyone.
Clothes
Here also we count full 2 sets per day. You can find cutes ones at DM or any other stores. If you don’t want to spend much money on this, there must be some baby flea market or other parents in your area to give you some for pennies.
Take also with you a wet bag, to put the dirty one into until you find a washing machine.
Toys
It is always a good idea to bring couple of toys, no need to take more than that. Takes those that your baby like the best and the cuddle toy.
Once at destination, your baby can play with any safe thing you can find.
Car seat, stroller, crib
In case you haven’t known this about me yet, I am against traveling with any of those. There are bulky, they are temporally, they are simply annoying.
You can easily rent a car seat or buy a second hand one wherever you are. Best will be to avoid taking the car anyway. Isn’t also stressful to drive on holidays?
The stroller you can also find it to borrow. Generally, we don’t really know where we are going to, how accessible it is and the stroller will simply limit our journey. A baby carrier is the best. Extra tip : after 1 year old you can change your carrier for a Deuter Comfort Pro !
At the destination hotel, most of the time you can rent a crib. Again, if that is not the case, you can find a second hand one. Also, a baby has so many possibilities to sleep: on the bed, with you, on a mattress on the floor, or you can brig only a baby mattress with you. A baby can sleep anywhere, or nearly.
After 2 years of the pandemic, 3 vaccines, we finally got infected by coronavirus.
First it was our toddler who caught it from his day care. After was his younger sister and then the father. A week later I got tested positive.
He had the following symptoms: – Over tiredness – Feeling cold – High fever – Running nose
Those symptoms did not appear all at the same time. One day it has running nose then it went away and had high fever. At first, it looked like a flu for which he couldn’t recover from it somehow.
So it is more than a week stuck inside for the toddler. He’s waiting for his father to test negative to go back to day care. Until then, the sunny day at home are getting long.
We try making craft, playing music, watching TV, baking, puzzles and books. Still, he looks to be over bored.
So we tell him: when the quarantine is over, we’ll go to the toy shop!
We all can’t wait to get out of it.
Here is the list of things he enjoys the most during this time:
Take the time to know your baby. Try to breastfeed. Get to know where to get the bottle from and get them only if breastfeeding is not working our for you. Taking the time to make that decision all on your own is very important.
Pacifiers
Event if your baby is bottle fed, she might not want the pacifier. Get to know you baby before buying this
Diaper mat
We had one, then we had those travel ones and the paper ones…we tried them all until we figured that a normal bath towel is simply good enough
Baby bath
You can take your bath with baby until there is no space for both of you anymore. Once you baby can sit she can go alone in the tub.
As an expat away from family in Belgium for the winter holidays, I still wish to bring some presents under their Christmas tree.
This particular year requested more research. I usually buy consumable or ethic gifts. It has already been years that I felt more concerned about presents that matters and more ethical friendly.
Once again I managed to offer ethic and consumables presents for each member of my family back home. Here is what I selected for them.
Gift cards
I looked online which shops in Belgium offer delivery and online payment of gift cards.
Efarmz – groceries from the farm Sebio – ethic and natural products Rosalie – my friend’s restaurant
Also you can always ask your favorite shop or restaurant to make one if they don’t do it yet.
Local products
Some shops can survive the Corona crisis with accepting online payment and offering deliveries. I found the following:
The best positive thing with those shops is that they are already located in the country of delivery, reducing then the shipment cost.
While asking on Facebook I receive much more recommendations, my family is unfortunately not big enough to try them all. I do recommend you to check this list or look on a search engine for local shops which can adapt to the current situation.
Good luck to all those little business and I wish you all a happy holiday.
Am I the only one who is shocked to see baby bottles in baby birth gift lists? Breastfeed is the most important way to feed for the first 6 months (and longer). Putting bottles on the list give me the idea that the mum doesn’t even try to give the breast…bottles should be decided afterwards (of course unless any problems mentioned by the doctor before birth)
That is what I wrote once on Facebook. Lost 4-5 friends with that statement and got a lot of people arguing it.
Well, I dont want to take the time to answer each one of them and I don’t feel like I have to defend myself on this.
But I can give you more explanation about it.
First of all, people who disagreed are mostly from the West, where work is very important and takes over family life. Living in eastern Europe opens the mind to the importance of family. I am very proud I got to learn that.
Second, I ain’t saying anything against the bottle fed. Of course it is a life saver. It is saving lives. My son included. But formula must remain a plan B. Breastmilk is free, and is the best to give to your baby. Each new mum should at least give it a try. It is important to bond and to build that close relationship with your child. It is different for each child. You need to try few days before knowing how you want to plan your feeding plans. If you choose formula, then why do you need a bottle before birth ? You’re gonna need to go to the shop anyway to buy the mil
In Belgium, as well as in Germany, mothers spend 3 days at the hospital. There they get all the care needed and can ask all the questions needed.
At home, I heard that in many western countries mothers don’t get the support needed, like a midwife coming every day. That is hard to change unless you have family around you.
Then that society tells mums to stay home 4 months and a week or so for fathers. I thought of myself. I can’t stay home only 4 months with such a little baby. I asked my mum and she told me she took a year for each of us. That made me so proud of her, because now I know that we can all do it if we want to. Still, many parents complain about their parental leave.
And here is where it bothers me a lot. People in general complain more than they act. If more of us would take the time we think is best, then the law will change. Only with acting for our own good first will make changes. Voting for the same big political parties won’t do that for you.
You need to dare to speak to your employer first, to see what could be the possibilities for you to enjoy your parenthood. Personally, I think a mum should stay home at least 6 months and a father at least 6 weeks.
Of course you feel like you have bills to pay and everything. Look further. Even around me where we have good parental leave, some parents struggle and manage. With more time, you spend less.
Everybody should keep the choice in mind for themselves so they wouldn’t blame their society for it.
You know I am for staying at home the first year, or at least the first 6 months. Well, if everyone would would see their choices, I could understand better those women who choose to go back to work quickly.
I am aware that many people don’t think the way I do and are very upset with it. That’s okay. We don’t live in a world where everybody needs to agree with everyone. We only need to take the action we find best for ourselves and not because society says so. We are not sheep, we are the head of our micro society and we have to do the best for our children.
Wrong ! It can be cheap ! Who said you need to buy diapers and formula ? Of course most of the people do, including myself, but, they are ways to handle this with a cheaper way of life. Of course, it requires more time. Often I hear “Less is more” and I can’t agree more on this. Let me show you. Perhaps you can take some tips to adapt in your routine.
First year milk: you can breastfeed ! Take your time, relax, and feed your baby. If you face some medical issues, if you doctor and midwife recommend you otherwise, then yes, formula is great. Don’t forget, Formula is a substitute to breastmilk, it has to be used only when the first option doesn’t work.
Diapers: You can train your baby from day 1 to pee on the sink and then on the loo. You still need some diapers of course, then you can use those washable ones. Once you love one can poop in the loo, I find it much easier to go for washable diapers. What about the wipes ? How do you think they do in Asia ? Use a wet cloth and water, that’s enough. Here, our son can poop in the loo from 10 months old. He does it great outside of home!
Food: cook them yourself. You can first boil some the veggies as recommended by your pediatrician and midwife, then smash them. Later on, you can simply make a puree of what you eat, and then once your baby has teeth no puree at all. Of course, go gradually and do not force your baby to do anything. If he is resistant, distract him and try again another time.
Toys: don’t you get many of them in your baby gift list, Christmas, birthdays…? You can also make some yourself, buy some second hand. At the end, your kid doesn’t need many.
Clothes: Goes pretty much the same as the toys. You can buy them second hand. Your baby won’t have time to dirt them before growing to the next size. If you really feel like DIY, you can of course sew some!
Activities: Going to the park, hanging out with a friend, share a coffee at Ikea (and enjoy the children area), hike, relax along the river’s side or on the border of a lake…Many of them are free or cost no more than 5 euros.
Kindergarten/Schooling: don’t you have still your old materials? or maybe a friend does? My mum found my old swimming bag that now became my son’s kindergarten bag. As for his lunch bag, we have a lot of Tupperware that fits his needs. Also for this, to go to the market is a very good plan. You don’t find one near you ? You can start organizing one at your place with the stuff you have. You can also ask some friends to help you.
Even for yourself, you can make things cheaper, and easier. It will be less fancy, but that leave you and your child more space for creativity! You can paint on the shirts, draw on the lunch boxes…and it gives you more cheap activities! Once again for this Christmas, there is no need to rush at the mall 😉 Do it yourself or buy second hand is always more personalized and better for the environment.
For those who use to know me, losing over 20 kg would mean being anorexia. Don’t worry, it isn’t. It is pregnancy. I took way too much, about 20 kg and now I lost most of it. I still keep on going. Already, many mums are asking how do I do it. Keep reading, here are the tricks!
First of all, there is no need to spend any money on this. No need to have a baby sitter, no gym, no specific food. That last point is important: keep on eating what you like! (without over exaggerating).
I started taking all the baby friendly sport classes I could with my health insurance. You first step is to ask them what do they offer for new mums. In my case, I had 20 free classes per year. I went for FitDank Baby, Baby swimming, Yoga and “Rückbildung” (After-birth physiotherapy).
At home, I was doing quite a lot too: mostly running and workout. I was using some apps like Female Fitness and Couch to 5k. My Fitbit is keeping track on my exercises. When I was sick of the Female Fitness app (it offers only the same session all the time), I was opening Youtube and started watching the channel PopSugar Fitness.
What was I doing with my son? Sleeping, playing, or watching me! He was always around me during my sessions. I just put my gym carpet next to him and started my exercises. It was sometimes trying to copy. It is so much fun to do it around him. What about the jogging? Well, I took the buggy, he was facing me and we went on a 30 min journey.
When I needed to shower afterwards, I was doing so either during his nap time or taking him with me in the bathroom. Before crawling, I was playing with him while I was in the tub alone. Now that he moves more, it is better just to take him in with you. He gets wet twice the day but that’s okay.
About food? What? Didn’t see any difference here. Still having an ice cream, but limiting it to once a week, still having a lot of cake, and healthy meals. I did not look at the calories or whatsoever. I actually don’t even know how it works.
The hardest is to find motivation and keep it. With the 5k app, you can actually compare yourself and see that you are doing better. On weekends, we like to go on hiking trip with the whole little family. There is no record of that but I do feel better climbing a hill with a backpack.
When there is an hour free and I just roam around asking myself what could I do, then I just decide to take my phone, key and earphone and start one of the app. It feels much more refreshing and better for yourself. Keep it up !
I have a problem with society. It tells me a lot of things to do as a mother that I don’t agree with.
First of all, in some countries, the maternity leave is restricted to few months only. In my home country, it is for 4 months only. After that, the baby still have a lot of sleep changes, food habits changing, milestones to reach. I can’t imagine not to follow all that.
For father, if they have a paternity leave, it is always less than 6 weeks. Why are those 6 weeks important to me? Where I live, it is recommended that the mother stays in bed for these 6 weeks following birth. Of course it is good to go out and walk. That time is mostly about resting and feeding your baby. So yes, we do need the father around, to put the baby to sleep, to take him out a bit, to cook, to clean, so we can focus on sleep and feeding (ourselves as well as the baby).
I am lucky, I gave birth and I am raising my kid in a very baby-friendly town of Germany. It actually has the highest birth rate! So we have plenty of help over here, like a midwife coming every day as long as needed. We can always contact her, even a year later.
So here, kindergarten starts much later, at around 1 year old. It does feel good to get back to having a life on your own! But, as they have more than one kid with different habits, they have to combine all that, meaning they all eat the same food and sleep at the same time.
Again, I am lucky, my baby eats everything. Well, depends on the day, but mostly. Only issue I have is with juice and syrup. Why don’t you simply give water? Well, we found a compromise on our side, which makes it alright for both of us. He’s having his water bottle next to the common cup.
Sleeping is an issue. Even if he is now nearly 15 months old, he still has his morning nap and afternoon. The rest of the day went great. At the kindergarten he must have only one nap after lunch. He can’t last.
I feel like it is such a society issue to tell us: “you must stay home that long; your baby must sleep during those hours”. We all have different need, we all need to grow differently. It is important to choose what is best for your child as a parent: which kindergarten he goes too, what food you offer him, and the activities you do with him. I am very happy with the kindergarten, I am only having a hard time with what “everybody” says.
As a parent, we have the responsibility to provide a better world for our children. What is the main crisis we all know today ? Obviously the climate change. It takes time to fight, but all the little effort counts. Here are some tips you can follow.
Go to the market
During my maternity leave, we had time to go to the market every week. We were bringing our own bags and boxes. Food usually come with a lot of packaging. That way, we managed to reduce significantly our amount of bin bags.
Now that my leave is over, we buy mostly online and we see the difference! We are still working on that. Definitely we miss the market. If you have some recommendation, please share !
In the kitchen
We fill up our dish soap bottle at a zero waste shop. We also clean with a washable sponge, wipe with a wet cloth and un-paper towels.
For the food menu, we mostly cook vegetarian.
We keep our leftovers for the next meal/day. When we need to pack some food to cook, we have our lunch bags and boxes. We do not use foil.
In the bathroom
For the sink, we use also a washable sponge and a bar soap to wash hands. We didn’t change our toothbrushes yet. The bamboo ones still need to get changed once in a while so I don’t see the use of that. As for the toothpaste, I don’t have time to play chemistry and I still don’t know if dentists approve it, and which recipes. If you are one of them, please share your experience.
In the bathtub, we also have a bar soap for the body, a bar shampoo and a bar conditioner. We use a wet cloth or hands.
To shave we have electric shavers and plastic ones for which you only change the head. With the electric one, we use way less often the plastic one.
For my periods, I use a moon cup for the last 4 years now, and I sometimes add a washable serviette.
For the rare occasion I make up, I use some make up cloth and coconut oil to remove all that.
Actually, let’s talk a bit about the coconut oil. I can use also for my hair as a conditioner, for my stretch mark from after birth (and it is working!), after shaving…I am sure there are plenty other use of it. It is a must have in your bathroom!
For the laundry we bought the first bottle of soap and then we fill them up at the waste free shop of our neighborhood.
On the go
We travel mostly with public transport or bikes. When we need a car we rent one. It is not that practical to rent a car with baby car seat to take in and out so we are considering buying one. For some situation, a car is inevitable, so let’s try to have a environmental friendly one.
We also take have our own bags in case we have trash and our water bottle.
When our son drops a trash on the floor, we pick it up.
And when someone we know does it without picking it up, we mention it. We should do it with people we don’t know too, language is mostly a barrier here.
Not doing enough?
Let’s face it, not everyone can go on full zero waste, not every parent. For some, it is simply too stressful to go out with the children.
It gets worse once you work full time, you cannot take the time to cook, to prepare, clean. Yes, we have the picture of a dream life to live on the countryside, grow your own vegetable garden, using no pesticide, working from home, etc…Going zero waste requires a lot of time that not everyone is willing to give. That’s why we create those big grocery stores, with home delivery, to make our life easier. Then we can spend more time outside enjoying ourselves.
I personally feel happy with the little work I do. And here in Western Europe we are doing a lot! And we keep on seeing how not enough it is. In India, the waste management is awful, burning plastic on the street, and they don’t care. It is our job, with the little effort we do here at home, to raise awareness of those people on the road, so they can make a little bit of effort too. It is only altogether that we can make a real change.
BInGer 